Monday, November 7, 2011

I Am Not Lola

Marc Jacobs, please don't make Dakota Fanning a sex symbol.

It makes watching I Am Sam disturbing for the wrong reasons.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Yet Another Airborne Toxic Event

After being bullied for reading Bob Barker's biography, I've decided to pre-order Don DeLillo's newest novel.

If it's anything like Underworld, I'll spend six months reading it, then six months researching the meaning of what I read.

But rest assured this Barker Beauty will sound smarter than you at next year's holiday party.

The Human Stain

Don't accept Halloween left over lollipops from your dry cleaners.

They make you appear guilty of doing something orally inappropriate to a Smurf.

Rising Sun

Being the anthropologist I am, I couldn't leave Japan without thoroughly examining an anime porn magazine.

These femme fatales did things even the cast of the Jersey Shore would find disturbing.

My research made me proud to live in the land of Showtime and Hustler.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011


In light of recent world events, many Americans have had to seek over the counter medication.

I refuse to pill pop when there's an upside. Eventually she'll remarry, and that wedding will be televised.

Plinko Pleasure Reading

Most college graduates read biographies about Churchill, Clinton, and Castro; I read biographies about Bob Barker.

The wisdom I garner from this will make me sound uber-superior around other Communication Majors.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Christian's Confidence

Being American Psycho's Patrick Bateman allows me the chutzpah to approach hot Halloweeners.

The only downside is, I have blood on my face.