Showing posts with label Victory. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Victory. Show all posts

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Crazy For Keira

Tolstoy joins Matt Weiner to become the only two writers to inspire a Banana Republic clothing line.

Sad he didn't live to witness this triumph.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Get Cash 4 Rights (Update)

I'm officially in a Twitter war with a handle who disapproves of me and my dream cat.

Hateful comments mean one thing: I've arrived.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Camo Cargo Coupon

My credit card company sent me a coupon to American Eagle, it's nice to know someone still thinks I'm drinking with a fake ID.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Homeo & Juliet

Reviews are in regarding my new podcast with fellow comedian Mary Patterson Broome!

The LA Times calls Homeo & Juliet "the most pretentious and self absorbed slice of media since GOOP." I couldn't agree more.

Hear us give Gwynnie a run for her gazpacho recipe @

Thursday, July 14, 2011

The Emancipation of Clay Pitt

For most of my adult life people have told me I resemble this.

But after spending twenty four hours looking like this.

I beat the bee, awoke this morning, and my mirror reflected this.

Being temporarily heinous does wonders for long term self-esteem.

J.Ro circa today, bringing sexy back like JT circa '06; how is that song already five years old?

Monday, June 6, 2011

Catch the Bouquet

"At weddings, take a photo with the hottest guy there, even if he's straight with date, then facebook it like you're a couple. "
-pg. 107 The Secret

With a vision board such as this, I will not stay single much longer.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Pop Your Kool-Aid

Last week was ninety degrees in Los Angeles, so I treated myself to a Kool-Aid Jammer, my first Capri Sun-like drink in sixteen years.

As I fondled the Jammer, I found myself riddled with fear. Memories of not knowing how to get the straw in the hole consumed my mind. I applied pressure, took a breath, and popped it with confidence, no leakage. In this moment of phallic victory, I realized how far I've progressed as a man.

Casanova alert.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

No Money for Mickey

In 2007 my friend was Peter Pan on a Disney Cruise, so I got to attend a voyage for free.

Since then Disney has sent me paraphernalia regarding their five star getaways, all of which cost more per couple than my total yearly rent.

These pamphlets flatter me. I've successfully sold a false image of myself to a company that prides itself on it's own false image. If I can play Disney a fool, what other conglomerates can I hoodwink?

Thursday, December 16, 2010

I Feel Like Such A Man!

Earlier this week I bought my new Mac Book.

And today, I successfully set up wireless internet. All. By. Myself.

Right now, I'm officially blogging from my sofa; it's so refreshing not having to trek all the way to my desk to type about myself.

Later tonight, I plan to gChat from my bed just so I can feel like Tom Hanks in You've Got Mail.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Positive Identification

As they say, when God gives you kidney stones you may also pass a diamond.

Such is the case with my I.D. photo debacle. After taking another dismal California State Driver's License picture, I was given one last chance to redeem my image...My UCLA Bruins card.

At last I look cool, confident, and Nate Berkus-like...which will hopefully make up for how cheap I'll seem when I flash it for student discounts.