Showing posts with label Bragging Rights. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bragging Rights. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

The September Issue

People say I look like Alan Cumming.


But Alan Cumming looks like Anna Wintour.


Do I look like Anna Wintour?


If so, I must grow my bangs and diet before Halloween.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

J.Ro on Holiday


Getting my Elizabeth Gilbert on. Be back next week...

Friday, February 10, 2012

Delusions of Davidhood


I already look so much like David Beckham, that my buying his H&M underwear might be considered overkill.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Little Tokyo J.Ro



*I actually adore Stockard Channing; I don't know what came over me.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Pashmina Power

I finally broke down and bought not one, not two, not three, but four pashmina scarves.*


When I copy semester abroad student fashion, I commit all the way.


* currently seeking European to teach me how to tie these things.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

A Face Worth Selling


Being a promotional model doesn't appear as glamorous in Turkey as it does in the States.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Friday, November 11, 2011

Monster

Today at Runyon Canyon, a dog owner boasted that Charlize Theron pets his unattractive mutt every time they pass her on the trail.


I reluctantly followed suit; if it's good enough for Charlize, it's good enough for J.Ro.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Second Speaker


Today, Mark Zuckerberg graciously agreed to speak at his alma mater after it's most esteemed alumnus, Tatyana Ali, canceled last minute.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Yet Another Airborne Toxic Event

After being bullied for reading Bob Barker's biography, I've decided to pre-order Don DeLillo's newest novel.


If it's anything like Underworld, I'll spend six months reading it, then six months researching the meaning of what I read.


But rest assured this Barker Beauty will sound smarter than you at next year's holiday party.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Sock Triumph


For maybe the third time in my adult life, all my socks matched up after laundry yesterday. 2011 is turning out to be a year of huge success for me.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Girl Gone Wild

Being gay is a lot like being a married straight guy, suddenly all the California Gurls want a piece.


Check out J.Ro in Katy Perry's new Teenage Dream music video.

http://www.break.com/break-originals/other-funny-stuff/katy-perry-is-a-ccktease-music-video

Thursday, September 2, 2010

My Cup Runneth

I just spent the day out in Malibu, in the back of a 1998 Mustang convertible, cupping a girl's bare breasts. Can any straight guy top that?

Thought not. To quote my hero Will, How 'bout them apples!?

(*No live evidence available yet, but I will keep you abreast as to when this Girls Gone Wild edition hits the video store.)

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

J.Ro vs. J.Ro (part 2)

Eat Pray Roberts

Eat Pray Romaine

Even Elizabeth Gilbert would agree I scoop my gelato with more fervor and less hesitation.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Watch Out Wonja


After six months of tennis lessons I was starting to feel very Roger Federer until a lady named Wonja joined our group; it's very emasculating to be beaten repeatedly by a 65 year old South Korean woman who suffers Arthritis.

This past week I regained R.Fed status when I took down an 18 year old Stanford freshmen, a little Asian girl who weighed 100. Not only could she not return my serves, but I snuck into the class without permission to boot. This Alpha playa edge puts Agessi's Wimbledon wigs to shame...just one back hand closer to my Adidas endorsement.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Call Me Kennedy


Once a season, when feeling sad about being single, I watch a Nancy Meyer's film to remind myself that there are sixty year old women facing the same problems as I.

The architectural porn of Something's Gotta Give inspired me to paint my apartment to look like Diane's Hampton's bungalow.

Growing up in Tucson, I was allured by Sonoran Green, complimented by a Honey Nectar. The swatches decieved me, my walls looked like a Cabo vacation after mucho Margaritas.
(exhibit A - Cabo)

I quickly reapplied with a White Daisy and a color called Kennedy; if I can't have the Hampton's, I'll take the vineyard.
(exibit B - Kennedy)

This experience reminds me once more what a deity Mr. Nate Berkus is.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The Saints Marched In Con Brio!


Many followers expressed fears regarding my Piano 101 Final last week. I am proud to report that my performance was GAGA worthy. Below is Dr. Lepley grinning with her favorite pupil.

I smell an A sharp coming my way.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Camisa Tradicional de Cuba


In the fall of 2000 I first became enthralled by la guayabera, la camisa tradicional de Cuba. I vowed to one day own a guayabera of my own so I could feel like a white person who'd been to Cuba...minus the cigar. This past week my dreams came true when I purchased this mint green guayabera in Cabo. Of course, the sales clerk argued that 'la guayabera es la camisa tradicional de Yucatan!' I let his ignorance slide.

(to any present or future employers: I like my Margaritas with salt, preferably in a cactus stemmed glass.)

Friday, April 16, 2010

Confidence is One Slot Away

Are you an Angeleno who's experiencing a lack of self esteem?

If so, plan a weekend trip to the Pechanga Resort and Casino in Temecula!

"After spending last weekend amongst the characters in your casino, I've been swaggering around like I'm the pre-Angelina Brad Pitt. I forgot how attractive I was; thanks Pechanga!"
-Jason Romaine (recent Pechanga patron)

www.pechanga.com