Friday, September 21, 2012

Disgusting Karma


Us gays have no right to be angry at Paris Hilton. Everything she said about us, we said about her first.

Missing Match

I hate to use this platform for sartorial concerns, but if I've slept over recently will you check to see if I left the match to this sock?


I can't stand to see perfectly good argyle go to waste.

iCreep 5

Today, normal people can rest assured Apple people are locked up in malls where they belong.

The Other Pair Goes to Tom


With photos like these in every shoe store across the country, Tom must get more ass than early nineties Bill Clinton.

Dashboard Danger


Sure, texting while driving is bad, but not nearly as offensive as dashboard snowbirds.


Can we also start a coalition against the Christmas tree air fresheners? One sharp turn and those branches could poke an eye out.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

The September Issue

People say I look like Alan Cumming.


But Alan Cumming looks like Anna Wintour.


Do I look like Anna Wintour?


If so, I must grow my bangs and diet before Halloween.

Daddy's Girl

On Katie, Jessica Simpson shared a photo of her baby in a bikini.


She's gonna be one Joe of a mother.

Voters Stay Informed

Peru was fun. But with the elections less than two months away, going abroad is not worth missing every beat of news.

Dear Hiram Bingham...

More pasty people journal at Machu Picchu than an indie coffee house.


I regrettably forgot mine.

Eat Mor Alpaca


I don't usually boycott countries, but when they adopt Chick-fil-A font, there must be consequences.

Priceless Knowledge

Being one of my first jobs out of college was California Pizza Kitchen, this article got me angry.


I couldn't have been hired without a liberal arts degree. I had to memorize eighty-three menu items, and know the origins of jicama.

Skinny Belt

The only girl who could wear this belt without appearing desperate is Emma Stone.


Hopefully she'd wear it without the camel toe.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Competing Funhouses


Tonight I must choose between watching Barack Obama or Pink.


Being a Democrat who likes music videos is a challenge.

J.Ro Cristina Charlotte


Anxious to see what Scarlett Johansson wears onstage at the DNC tonight. Does this make me really gay or sorta straight?

Never Upstage Miley Cyrus


I can't believe Obama is attempting to upstage the Mtv VMAs tonight. The audacity's gone to his head.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Puts the DAMN in the DNL


"Being President doesn't change who you are," but it does sculpt your wife's shoulders to the point where gay male convention attendees question their homosexuality.

Spicy Salsa


Chipotle is like porn: a quick fix to hunger that leaves you dissatisfied.