Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Campaign Candy

There's campaigning for an Oscar, then there's campaigning.

Kebab Queen

Every country needs their Rachel Ray.

Pashmina Power

I finally broke down and bought not one, not two, not three, but four pashmina scarves.*

When I copy semester abroad student fashion, I commit all the way.

* currently seeking European to teach me how to tie these things.

Banksy Got Nothing On This

In Turkey, the graffiti is much more politically astute than in the States.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Hold The Flash

I was beginning to believe Turkey a progressive society, then I saw these for sale.

If this isn't third world paraphernalia, I don't know what is.

Flashdance Fur Balls

This type of winter footwear flair should be relegated to the ski slope.

Nights in Flight (Part 2)

On my flight home from Turkey, I reached a new low when I bawled to The Family Stone.

I need to stop watching in-flight entertainment, or consult my therapist.

Metro Messenger

I broke down and bought my first man bag.

It's a Dunlop, so when I'm feeling extra-masculine I can act like I'm using it to carry tennis balls.

Ridiculous Rhymes

These airline promotional clubs are running out of acceptable slogans.

Abba-solute Evidence

More proof God loves the Gays.

Bumblebee Boy

Everyone wants their child to be a model.

But this type of sartorial abuse will require years of therapy to overcome.

Christmas Tree Not Included

Justin Bieber is such an international sensation...

His Christmas album is for sale in Muslim countries.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Color Me Happy

Museum gift stores put me in a trance of consumerist delight.

I was seriously considering buying this coloring book, for myself.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Us vs. Her

Iran is cracking down on contraband, which in their country includes Barbie Dolls.

Here's a sentence I never thought I'd utter; the Iranian government and I are on the same page.

Alvin a la Turka

It feels fair knowing nobody in the world was spared this imbroglio.

Pigeon Ladies

I know after Home Alone 2 pigeon feeding became trendy, but Kevin's moved on, and so should we.


This type of commemorative paraphernalia must be stopped.

T.I.L.F of the Week

*T stands for Tourist

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Boys Will Be Boys

My voyage to Turkey made me realize Muslim and Christian men both want the same thing.

Larger erections.


My family is trying to convert me to Kindlism.

I'm not sure how I feel about this paperless religion.

Nights in Flight

This is me, faux-bawling to Nights in Rodanthe on my flight to Istanbul (Planes are too dry for my tear ducts to activate).

What is it about flying that makes me fall victim to really bad movies? My Sister's Keeper once left me receiving looks from other passengers.

Snook The Vote

We haven't seen an endorsement of this magnitude since Oprah backed Obama.

The Salsa Strikes Again

I was having a fantastic, romantic time in Istanbul.

And then I saw this.

A Face Worth Selling

Being a promotional model doesn't appear as glamorous in Turkey as it does in the States.

Polis Posers

In Istanbul...

They sell fake cop uniforms and real firearms, next door to each other.

I promptly bought a burqa to hide my blonde ambitions.

Je Douleur

I've found the title for my memoirs.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Cannon Ball Captain

I know it's in vogue to hate him.

But I probably would have jumped ship also.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Turkish Hamam

J.Ro is off on a journey of Elizabeth Gilbert proportions. He will return once he learns to stop referring to himself in third person.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Lactose Loons

If your lactose issues are so debilitating you feel inclined to peruse this book, seek psychiatric assistance.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Bleecker Street to Main Street

One more reason Americans shall remain gluttonous.

Weekly Update

Can Apple go a week without forcing a new version of iTunes upon us?

Monday, January 9, 2012

Tampa Terror

I despise Ybor City as well, but this seems a tad dramatic.

Denial Sheens

This is the craziest thing he's said yet.

Blue Comics, Poison Ivy

The animosity I feel regarding the attention bestowed upon Blue Ivy reaffirms my choice of career path.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Lars and the Real Boy (Part 2)

Last Christmas, my boyfriend left me to find a younger soulmate. All was good, until I saw him this morning at Target.

The cellophane wrapper reminded me of the time we first met.

Viewer Discretion Advised

Dear Marc Anthony,

Stop Facebooking pictures of you and your twenty four year old girlfriend.

You might think it's making J.Lo jealous. But it's only making J.Ro sick.

Crazy Love

Just flixed Blue Valentine.

It's about two lovers who appear to be severely mentally handicapped. The performances put The Other Sister to shame.


Mead has created stationary for the modern American woman, equipped with a place to write what you ate on any given day.

Perfect purchase for a woman whose new year's resolution is bulimia.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

In Da Club

What did you do last night? Does Benihana now come equipped with bottle service and strippers?

Not Your Average Main Street

Burbank is now touting it's IKEA as a tourist attraction.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

2012 (Part 1)

The return of Celebrity Apprentice has me wondering if these 2012 predictions hold some weight?