Monday, June 27, 2011

Moore Confidence, Please


If an actress of this caliber has no confidence, how does one who's never acted with Annette Bening even make it from her Lexus to the audition room?

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Tracy: Zero / Gays: One Hundred


It's been two full days since NY Senate passed same sex marriage; I'm still awaiting a "congrats" tweet from Mr. Morgan.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Three Sweet Words

Thank.

You.

God.


Ten years of this crap, and the only thing I got out of it was Daniel Radcliffe becoming surprisingly hot.

Hollywood Grammar


Tonight, at the Hollywood Palladium, Nelly's performing.


I could have sworn he was in jail, or dead.


I stand corrected, those Range Rover rims are still glistening.

Don't Speak


Can a lawyer place a gag order on her own client?

Super Hero of the Week = Amanda Seyfried

After being crowned Hero of the Week on Tuesday, Miss Seyfried went into overdrive to keep her title.

If you thought her antics at CVS were sexy, check out how she tamed this security box.


If she keeps this up, I might learn how to pronounce her last name.

Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie

Many Romaniacs have been asking how I feel today, one month after the tragic death of The Oprah Winfrey Show.


It feels like the time Alanis released her second album, and I was the only one who bought it. Now that the fairweather viewers are out of the way, my love for Harpo shines brighter than ever.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Catch The Bouquet Part 2

Never cry during the Groom's speech at a wedding.


You will end up looking like this, and everyone on Facebook will accuse you of being high. This is what I get for taking another wedding photo with a hot, married man.*

Once my tears dried, I attempted another photo with a hot, married Groomsman but was thwarted by a girl who wasn't even his wife.


If only I knew how to use Photoshop.

(* see Emancipation entry "Catch the Bouquet" )

Charlie Kaufman Vs. The World

I finally saw Scott Pilgrim, it was inventive.


But I couldn't get over how the leading man appeared transgendered, and the leading lady stole Kate Winslet's Eternal Sunshine hair.


Watching these two kiss felt like an ad for celibacy.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Hero of the Week = Amanda Seyfried

This week the young actress performed the impossible.


She made CVS look sexy.

Choos Tragedy

I got on CNN.com with the intention of educating myself about Nepal's Stolen Children, only to be distracted by this.


How much pain can one news cycle endure?

Jennifer Aniston Steals Role From Kathy Bates

Let me get this straight.


The film Horrible Bosses asks us to root for a normal looking guy who wants to kill his boss because she sexually harasses him, but his boss is the hottest forty two year old woman ever to break the glass ceiling.


He better kill her by erotic asphyxiation, or this movie-goer is giving this film the death penalty.

Click for Chaos

Yesterday I stumbled upon this adult website (while looking up the definition of Chaos Theory) and was dismayed to find a social networking tool bar above the featured video.


What type of person shares online porn with friends and family via tweet? This takes T.M.I to a new level of digital disturbia.

Remake With Benefits


Justin Timberlake and that girl who performed dirty deeds on Natalie Portman star in a remake of the 2011 movie, No Strings Attached, which featured Natalie Portman (life imitates art) and borrowed it's title from an N'Sync album (Art imitates Justin who imitates himself).


The only difference between the films is the original stars Ashton Kutcher, where as the remake features a real actor.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Kitty Cooper

As if Mini Coopin' round town wasn't enough, this person added a Hello Kitty emblem to up the cute factor of her ride.


I'd love to steal these wheels, not because I like Hello Kitty, but because I'd like to make the owner describe her car to LAPD.

Don't Touch My Bieber

My gay pride was put on hold Sunday when this guy kept trying to caress my Bieber locks.


It only takes one pedophile to ruin it for everyone. And to those who've seen the poster in my apartment, I'm not a hypocrite; Taylor Lautner is past the age of consent.


I think.

Monday, June 13, 2011

You Want My Security Code?

Yesterday, somebody stationed this mobile ATM outside of The Abbey.


How dumb do they think gay people are? I could pick this up and put it in the back of my convertible (neither my arms nor my convertible are that large).

Even if this isn't a legitimate scam, the withdrawal fee is probably five dollars. For five dollars, I could buy a third of a Mojito. Wasting that money at an ATM just feels irresponsible.

Pride, Then Hide.

The best part about Pride is it offers an excuse to blatantly stalk people.

I paparazzi-ed cute white guys.


Ab-alicious Asians.


And one frisky black man.


But when the bears came out to scavenge, this cub had to hibernate.


Probably for the best. My sexuality is something I can only celebrate for a few hours. I may be gay, but I still have laundry and facebook to attend to.

The Kids Are Not All Right

Yesterday was the Pride Parade in West Hollywood.


I'm all about LGBT families making their kids realize the importance of their gay heritage, but do children really need to see this?


I'm still perturbed, and my brain isn't nearly as sponge-like as the brain of that baby in the background.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Hear No Evil


During a stand up routine in Nashville, Tracy Morgan told the crowd he would "pull out a knife and stab his own son" for being gay. I would only stab my own son for being able to name any of Tracy Morgan's lackluster SNL characters.


I blame Tina, if it wasn't for her genius, Mr. Morgan would have disappeared along with the Bushes.

Immortal Magazine


Thanks to Will and Kate, Vanity Fair will have fodder to publish for the next one hundred years.


Marilyn.


John F. & Jackie O.


And even LindsLo garner cover stories til this day, and they all departed tragically eons ago.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Hot Tub Confessions

The new 24 Hour in West Hollywood has an outdoor hot tub. The scene looks just like the photo below, just supplant less attractive people.


On Wednesday, I jetted next to a guy who told me all about the $125 dollar vibrator he purchased for his female boss. Only in Los Angeles would this beckon promotion instead of lawsuit.

(guidepost photo deemed inappropriate)

At the end of our tub talk, he didn't ask for my Twitter address. I was upset; if he spends that much on his boss, can you imagine what he buys his boyfriend?

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Nora Says No

The moment Anthony Weiner lived up to his surname, these references began.



Obviously, CNN.com didn't read Nora Ephron's latest book, "I Remember Nothing." Or as I call it, The Bible. In it she declares turning scandals into gates is passe, archaic, and uninspired.


Wait. Maybe it was Anna Quindlen who ranted about that? I never was good with my Bible verses.

Not Sacha Fierce


Sorry Gaga, Bruno wore it better.

Blame Mr. Bomer


If I have a car accident, I'm suing White Collar. These adverts blanket every bus stop on Melrose, making driving conditions hazardous.


Matt Bomer equals one more reason I'm grateful to be gay.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Does Your Girlfriend Talk?


Bringing an iPad to a social event is like bringing an uninvited guest, whom only you know, and who only speaks a foreign language. Unless, of course, it's the pepto pink one, she may warrant a place setting.

Nike Shoes, No Job

On a Monday afternoon, these Americans are waiting in a lawn chair line to buy the newest Nike sneaker.


How much does unemployment pay, again?

I Heart Me

A friend once gave me this keychain. Sure, I love beach sandals, but do I really want to promote how much I love myself?


To carry this in my pocket would seem narcissistic and desperate. I re-gifted as a set of "emergency" keys for another friend. Forcing her to carry my heart in her pocket seems much more selfless and ego-free.

Hero of the Week = Gaga

After two failed attempts, her third album went to number one in the U.S. We can now finally relax, knowing she is officially successful.


This Monster was not born to be Susan Lucci.

Keep the Neighborhood Nameless

Anyone else notice Google Maps creates non-existent neighborhood titles?


Supposedly I've been living next to The Norma Triangle for four years; glad I never flew over it.