Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Cougar Cruise

Just when you think Norwegian Cruise Line can't get more trashy, they hike their sails higher.

The Norwegian Sky is set to embark on it's third Cougar Cruise; only younger men and older women may join the buffet. Something tells me Courtney Cox will not be sipping Malbec on the sundeck.

These men better read Life of Pi before they board!

Friday, November 12, 2010

HP What?

To the marketing team behind HP7, you are not a Nintendo Wii game, you're Harry Potter! No trendy abbrevs allowed.

Shame on J.K. for allowing the Muggles to muck this up.

Marathon Cheerleader


Last Sunday I volunteered at the mile 24 water stop for the NYC marathon.

As I watched the runners in agony, I struggled to find the right words to serenade them with.

"Almost there!" True but annoying.
"Looking good!" Sweet but a lie.
"Keep it up!" Inspirational but obvious.

Finally, I settled on:

"If P.Diddy can do it, so can you!"
Irritating yet flashy, New York to the last .2 mile!

Mini Mumbai

As many Romanaics know, I recently voyaged to the DMV to get a new license.

I actually enjoy the DMV. Ever since reading Jhumpa Lahiri's The Namesake I've wanted a passage to India, and the DMV, in many ways, is like a mini-Mumbai: complete chaos, kids running around without shoes, everyone appears disease ridden. But unlike India, you only need one malaria pill to go.*

*Two if you go on Monday when the line is extra long.

Pathetic Pumpkins

(November 8th)

After election day, pumpkins must be packed up. This rule is as rigid as no white shoes post Labor Day. Pumpkins still parading around look like the prom queen who wears her tiara to class the following Monday.

(November 9th)

Thursday, November 4, 2010

O How I love G

Today was Part 2 of Oprah and Gayle's Camping Adventure.

Just when I think I cannot possibly adore Gayle more than I already do, she lays another golden nugget.

Gayle: 'I'm spoiled and I make no apologies for it.'

Oprah: 'I'm not spoiled.'

Gayle: 'Oh, Oprah, Please!'

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Hero of the Week = Trump


Last week the Donald returned to The View, 20 points, to talk about possibly running for elected office, 80 points.

Just when we're popping steriods over Schwarzenegger's final pump, the Gods throw us this wig.

After the first commercial break, Trump switched topic to Celebrity Apprentice and how smart Lisa Rinna proves to be on the new season, 100 bonus points.

May his campaign slogan be 'You Can't Trump This!'

The Ultimate Haikus


Many Romaniacs have written in to proclaim my picture and quote for Tourism Australia's contest wasn't very inspired.

So once more I humbly plea to the Harpo gatekeepers to find an extra seat on Johnny T's jet.

To show my Quantas spirit, I've decided to post a few Haikus about my love of Australia, Oprah, and life.

Travolta and Gayle
Oprah's best friends are so great
We will all Bondi

Kangaroo by me
Oprah with a koala
outback memories

Sydney skies glow great
With Oprah there we debate
will they glow greater?

I like Opera
But heart the house of Harpo
Down under dilemma


*Below I've attached a few more haikus inspired by recent Oprah episodes.

O-Dog Haiku - November 2nd Show


Ricky Martin, yes!
Oprah, she bangs brilliance
Upside, inside out

O-Dog Haiku - November 1st Show


Portia a Princess
Oprah a camera queen
Truth and beauty shine

Monday, November 1, 2010

Election Day


To all my facebook friends, only celebrities can convince fellow Americans to vote. If your name isn't Christina Aguilera, I'm not persuaded by your 'remember to vote' newsfeed plea.


Regardless of what Christina or you tell me to do, I'm heading over to Carmel Assisted Living tomorrow to punch some holes...because I have a crush on Gavin Newsom.

Bloody Bloody Patrick Bateman


Every year I suffer dread around Halloween. For someone as theatrical as myself, I have a hard time committing to a costume.

But this year all that changed. Next to Clay Aiken, the celebrity people tell me I look most like is Christian Bale.

After a few hours with corn syrup, red food coloring and extra firm hair gel, I was ready for my reservations at Dorsia!



Call me overtly Method, but when I commit, I don't just stare at it, I eat it.