Saturday, February 5, 2011

17 Again

For everyone who has been unsupportive of my new Justin Bieber hair style, I have one thing to say.


You spend eight years being compared to Clay Aiken and see what lengths you'd take to resemble some other celebrity.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Darcy Doesn't Exist


In 1813, did Jane Austen realize how debilitating her novels would become for women and gay men in modern times, pondering why the guy we adore will not reciprocate accordingly?

Mr. Darcy alone has allowed us two hundred years of excusing another's unenthusiastic reactions to our advances. Even little Jane herself knew in 1813, whilst typing on her mac book, in non-fiction unenthusiastic reactions mean only one thing...he's just not that into you.

Monday, January 31, 2011

A Friend Doesn't Weigh Suitcases


Dear United Airlines,

No, I do not want to be friends with you on Facebook. And if forced to pick a buddy to fly frisbee with, I'd chose Virgin America over you. Thanks for giving me the whole can of apple juice, but it's gonna take more for me to click 'accept.'

Monday, January 24, 2011

Emma Who?


Today online news sources reported Emma Bunton is finally engaged.

I had to google Emma Bunton to find out who she is, and I consider myself a Spice Girls historian. I guess the right ring can make even Baby Spice taste fresh again.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Sock Triumph


For maybe the third time in my adult life, all my socks matched up after laundry yesterday. 2011 is turning out to be a year of huge success for me.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Global Tourist

Don't know about you, but I couldn't sleep last night.


I'm too anxious to see if The Tourist takes home best picture at tonight's Golden Globes.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Resolution Delusion


At my last stand up show, a girl in the audience claimed she made 20 New Year's resolutions. This is like having 20 protagonists in a film, it will probably turn out like Valentine's Day instead of Love Actually.

Thanks to this girl's delusions, I shortened my list.