Monday, January 31, 2011
Dear United Airlines,
No, I do not want to be friends with you on Facebook. And if forced to pick a buddy to fly frisbee with, I'd chose Virgin America over you. Thanks for giving me the whole can of apple juice, but it's gonna take more for me to click 'accept.'
Monday, January 24, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
At my last stand up show, a girl in the audience claimed she made 20 New Year's resolutions. This is like having 20 protagonists in a film, it will probably turn out like Valentine's Day instead of Love Actually.
Thanks to this girl's delusions, I shortened my list.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
America welcomes only one famous Dr. per family. Why? If you two ever divorce, we the people will be forced to choose whose method of self help to keep in daily life, and whose to discard except during holidays and special occasions.
Placing us in this Sophie situation is thoroughly un-gurulike.