Wednesday, October 6, 2010

A City Without Windshield Wipers

The best thing about L.A. is when it rains, the five o'clock news leads with it as if it's breaking news.

(view from my apartment yesterday)
The only thing I see slightly newsworthy about this picture is the bomb this man may or may not be planting on my dry cleaner's roof.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Ultimate Evidence

Since posting Look Who's Talking Now, I've received many requests from my Romaniacs to splay the O-dog ornaments. Martha Stewart (today's guest on Oprah) herself would dangle these bulbs proudly on her tree in the great room of her estate in Maine.

Exhibit A (O-dog)

Exhibit B (The #1 G.)

Exhibit C (Berky)

Exhibit D (Sophie)

Oprah may deny me a ticket to Australia, but I will not deny you my ultimate viewer evidence.

Pamela Pollock

J.Ro takes on the Style Slip Ups of Pammy Anderson, Tori Spelling, and another blonde chick you nor I've ever heard of on page 74 of this week's In Touch (Glee cover)

P.S. I big time heart Quinn.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Look Who's Talking Now

It's been almost a month since the farewell season premiere of O-dog, and I've stayed mum...until today.

I cannot and will not accept my not being in the audience on September 13, 2010 when John Travolta scooted out on a make shift Quantas jet as Oprah announced she was taking the audience (consisting of her ultimate viewers) to Australia...with her and Johnie T!

I sent in a flowery and fervent application to the Harpo squad in which I regaled them with my love for Oprah, Gayle, Nathaniel Berkus, Dr. Oz-Phil, ect. I told how I used 'The Secret' to raise 6,000 dollars for my APLA AIDS marathon, I even bragged about my homemade Oprah Christmas tree ornaments. How could she not want to spend ten days eating vegemite with me?

O-dog, as you read this, know I am not blaming you...but someone in the Harpo compound is not doing a good job executing who, and who does not, make the cut when it comes to the phrase ultimate viewer.

I will not take this lying down under.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Ladies Night

On Friday I experienced my first 'lesbian night' at a local gay bar. At first I was excited because for once I was one of the taller patrons in a crowded club. But then strange things ensued.

I started to get 'come hither' looks from girls who thought I was a girl, I started to give 'come hither' looks to girls I thought weren't girls. Then the fembot DJ screamed on the mic, Everyone Is Getting P***Y Tonight; I knew it was time for me to pack it up and put on my pj's.

I did see four girls who looked like Da Brat and one girl who looked like Precious, so the night wasn't a complete bust.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Don't Be That Person

Facebooking about the Facebook movie is like wearing the band's t-shirt to the concert.

Plus if Marky Mark reads anything unflattering, he might delete your account...or donate another 100 million dollars to a charity he could care less about.

Off to promote this post on my wall!

Dive Into The Blueprint

Straight people ask the silliest questions. The silliest being this: are gay people born gay?

Pondering this is irrational on many levels:

1. Science is not equipped to offer an answer.
2. The question is built on the premise that a gay person must be born knowing the Single Ladies dance in order to be accepted as part of God's blueprint. Gay people exist; this on it's own proves it is part of God's design.

Was I born gay? Don't know and don't care. I do know that at six years old I stood on the diving board for the first time, paralyzed. Kids freezing behind me in a queue screamed jump! Finally, from across the pool my mom promised that if I dived in the water she would buy me the My Little Ponie playhouse; within a moment I was baptized.