Thursday, May 20, 2010

ATL, here I come.

One struggle we Millennials face is the improbability of being 'the first' anything. Everything has already been done...or so I thought. Today I found my calling during a layover; I plan on becoming The First Caucasian to work at the Atlanta International Airport. Be it security or Cinnabon, I'm going to break barriers.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Work Out Write


It's one thing to bring a Mead Composition Notebook to the comedy club, it's quite another to bring it to the 24 hour fitness club. This morning I witnessed a man work out with his Composition notebook resting against the Cybex machine; I assume he was conducting some sort of work out diary...and I thought I was sexually deprived.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

May 11th O-Dog


Bieber Fever on O-dog; until today I thought the song 'Baby, Baby, Ohhh!' was sung by a black girl. How clueless I would be without this hour of education.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Hero of the Week = Dr. Phil


After forty years of growth and maintanence, there's only one person on this planet powerful enough to make Dr. Phil shave his mustashe. Not wife Robin, but boss O-dog! On Oprah's Friday's Live last week, Phil got a full Brazilian and a kiss from O-dog afterwards; I need a new word for hero.

Cabo Classy


The tourist who buys this t-shirt should plan his next Mexican vacation to Cuidad Juarez.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Camisa Tradicional de Cuba


In the fall of 2000 I first became enthralled by la guayabera, la camisa tradicional de Cuba. I vowed to one day own a guayabera of my own so I could feel like a white person who'd been to Cuba...minus the cigar. This past week my dreams came true when I purchased this mint green guayabera in Cabo. Of course, the sales clerk argued that 'la guayabera es la camisa tradicional de Yucatan!' I let his ignorance slide.

(to any present or future employers: I like my Margaritas with salt, preferably in a cactus stemmed glass.)

Saturday, May 1, 2010

An Answer at Last


It's been three years since I first asked my audience, 'What ever happened to Umbros?' They used to be all the rage, now you can't even cop that shit at Marshall's. Finally an answer's been found; Umbros has quarantined itself in Chile where it's become very insular and fearful of white people with American Express. Lacoste made a big US comeback in 2003, let's hope Umbros will one day follow foot.


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