Showing posts with label Sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sad. Show all posts

Monday, June 3, 2013

Just Chating

Dear Lisa Longo,

If you're going to be a successful catfish, you gotta learn to spell.


your new gay Facebook friend.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Drawn To Perfection


I recently developed a slightly serious crush on Archer. I'd like to take this opportunity to publicly apologize for all the times I judged Japanese men for being turned on by Anime. I totally get it now.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Speed-The-Shopping Cart

In New York, you get excited about the opening of a David Mamet play. In Los Angeles, you get excited about the opening of a city Target.


D-List Credit


Will Discover give it up already?

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Oscar Mantra

"I will enjoy the telecast, and try to let go of any jealous feelings I hold towards Quvenzhane Wallis."


Monday, February 18, 2013

That Boy Is A Monster

You know the dating scene is bad when Cookie Monster has to get on GrindR. Almost messaged him, but my age limit is forty.

Friday, January 25, 2013

America's Next Top Copycat

Just when you think Naomi can't get any more competitive with Tyra...

Saturday, January 12, 2013

My Dead Flame

Is it creepy to have a crush on an oil painting?

Sunday, January 6, 2013

When Clinique SPF 15 Isn't Enough

Dear Romaniacs,

Since December 2nd I've suffered an ingrown hair on my neck. I have to apply foundation from a sample in O Magazine just to venture to Trader Joe's. Of course, this sample is for a black woman and does my skin little favors. This is not my usual shtick. This is serious. I'm starting to feel like a patient in And The Band Played On. Somebody help me.



Zero Dark Thirty-One

The bad news is AARP's targeting me.

The good news is I win this free tote to hold my medication.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Runaway Rolex

Only in LA would people offer rewards for things that aren't living.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Uggly Marketing

The translation of this billboard reads, Uggs: not just for gay men.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Tommy's Terrorism

Just when we thought Robertson couldn't get any more obnoxious.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Catwalk Crazy

This is why I'm glad I'm not successful enough to date models.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Missing Match

I hate to use this platform for sartorial concerns, but if I've slept over recently will you check to see if I left the match to this sock?

I can't stand to see perfectly good argyle go to waste.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Priceless Knowledge

Being one of my first jobs out of college was California Pizza Kitchen, this article got me angry.

I couldn't have been hired without a liberal arts degree. I had to memorize eighty-three menu items, and know the origins of jicama.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Spicy Salsa

Chipotle is like porn: a quick fix to hunger that leaves you dissatisfied.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Our First Guest This Evening...

Once Obama gets re-elected, can my girl Michelle be spared these degrading late night appearances?

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Save It For New Hampshire

Is driving a Saab really something worth vanitizing over?