Friday, November 15, 2013

Old News


Will magazines stop crowning one print The Beauty Issue? You're a magazine, every print is The Beauty Issue

Friday, October 25, 2013

Man's Mail


I find this invitation equal parts emasculating and tempting.

Monday, October 14, 2013

iOver


The government shutdown is stressful, but it's nothing compared to the imminent apocalypse of iGoogle. 

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

I Still Perform


Catch J.Ro TONIGHT (7.24.13) improvising at 
The Groundlings G3 Stage at 8:30pm
(S. side of Melrose, between Poinsettia & Alta Vista)
Free.

&

Catch J.Ro TOMORROW NIGHT (7.25.13) performing stand up
at Mary Patterson's new show at Cat n' Fiddle on Sunset at 8:00pm
Free. 

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Lauryn Sorkin

Yesterday, I received a Humanitas Prize.

                                            
Today, I received an IRS audit.


Transforming from Aaron Sorkin to Lauryn Hill isn't fun.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

One



To the men and women who sacrificed their lives in every way imaginable to bring this moment to fruition, today we remember you, thank you, and promise to continue dedicating our lives until there exists a global community where all citizens, regardless of gender, sexuality, ethnicity, or religion, stand without the words "less than" footnoting their freedom.

Monday, June 3, 2013

Moves Like Douglas

                              

I can't sleep, knowing Adam Levine will be the next to fall victim to cunnilingus cancer.

Rosa Barks



Sad how many people are focusing their energy on gay marriage when Ryan Gosling's dog still can't ride Amtrack.

Just Chating



Dear Lisa Longo,

If you're going to be a successful catfish, you gotta learn to spell.

xo

your new gay Facebook friend.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

O No Madea Didn'

Just when I thought I couldn't possibly love Oprah more.

              

This video is like God asking me to accomplish nothing this weekend.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Driving Miss Honey Boo Boo

               

This stage mom's more concerned with clear driving records than government issued background checks. Hasn't she seen Changeling?

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Drawn To Perfection

                

I recently developed a slightly serious crush on Archer. I'd like to take this opportunity to publicly apologize for all the times I judged Japanese men for being turned on by Anime. I totally get it now.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Speed-The-Shopping Cart

In New York, you get excited about the opening of a David Mamet play. In Los Angeles, you get excited about the opening of a city Target.

                      

D-List Credit

         

Will Discover give it up already?

Emancipate Your Muscle

               

Look for me on Dr. Oz next week, promoting my new Emancipation protein powder.

               

No H8 Gnome

            

Amelie's bestie came out just in time for the Supreme Court hearing.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Oscar Mantra


"I will enjoy the telecast, and try to let go of any jealous feelings I hold towards Quvenzhane Wallis."

Repeat.

Monday, February 18, 2013

In Her Shoes


Life would be...


So much cooler...


If I were a girl...


In an Aldo ad.

Memoirs of a Siemens


Will Naomi's cell phones finally get together and write a tell all?

That Boy Is A Monster


You know the dating scene is bad when Cookie Monster has to get on GrindR. Almost messaged him, but my age limit is forty.

After 10pm


Being friends with Marlene Dietrich sounds dreadful.

Get Your Homeo On

            

Comedian, improvisor, and opera singer, Liz Stewart, joins J.Ro & MP to discuss valet parking, dvd borrowing, and how sh*t got real at The Stinking Rose.

Sexflix

               

 I would never rent this if I had to answer to an acne prone store clerk.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Smile Indeed


Why are wedding photographers always so hot?

Escape From Tehran


Can Alaska Airlines modernize this font? It's like we're in the final scene of Argo.

Lance's Star Spangled Savior: Part 1


Lance Armstrong owes Beyonce a bouquet of flowers, and they best not be carnations.

Lance's Star Spangled Savior: Part 2


Speaking of Beyonce, Soldier only has eighteen million hits; it should have at least sixty. Get with it, world.

Tattle Tale Triumph


If I had thirty months of free rent, I'd get so much writing done.

Burn Book


I'm still angry she beat me out for that role.

America's Next Top Copycat

Just when you think Naomi can't get any more competitive with Tyra...

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Better Than Liz & Dick


My therapist says it's 2013 and I must live in the present, but I still hope J.Lo and Diddy will find their way back together.

Miserable Mountain


The sexual chemistry between Jean Valjean and Javert was intense.


They put those boys from Brokeback to shame.

When Clinique SPF 15 Isn't Enough


Dear Romaniacs,

Since December 2nd I've suffered an ingrown hair on my neck. I have to apply foundation from a sample in O Magazine just to venture to Trader Joe's. Of course, this sample is for a black woman and does my skin little favors. This is not my usual shtick. This is serious. I'm starting to feel like a patient in And The Band Played On. Somebody help me.

Sincerely,

J.Ro

Zero Dark Thirty-One

The bad news is AARP's targeting me.


The good news is I win this free tote to hold my medication.