Saturday, December 31, 2011

Friday, December 23, 2011

Weekend At Kilimanjaro's

In this month's AAA Westways Magazine, 80's heartthrob Andrew McCarthy writes about hiking Kilimanjaro.

No word on if Bernie reached the summit.

Marsden Misprint

The word mediocre should never appear next to this man's face.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Pussy Galore

If he has to bed that many more women, he better contract an STD to keep the plot believable.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Justin and the Fat Man

More proof Bieber is the coolest kid ever.

Courthouse Christmas

This week, I'm on call for jury duty.

Please Santa, may neither Charlie nor Lindsay do anything to warrant my summons.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Rockefeller Center

I was so not in the holiday spirit, until I saw the tree at the Target parking garage.

Now I can't get Silent Night outta my head.

Chick Lit Donation

Sorry Wake Forest, I cannot donate to the alumni fund; my blog isn't even monetized.

Go bother Emily Giffin.

It's Raining Men

Good news: Oprah finally placed a man on her cover.

Bad news: Oprah forgot to bestow me the honor.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Surfin' Santa

Am I a Scrooge for finding this annoying...

Or just a gay man with good taste?

Set The Oven High

In America, even cookies suffer status anxiety.

Save It For The Sierras

Nothing sadder than a black Range Rover trying to appear badass.

Dividing Information Age Assets

Myriad followers are calling on @Mrs.Kutcher to change her Twitter name.

Six years ago, the only thing a divorcee was pressured to discard were monogrammed towels.

Only One Goldie Locks

How am I not a dancing extra in the Jane Lynch Nook commercial?

Lesson learned: never go to an audition with the same haircut as the leading lady.

Strike A Chord (Once More)

Please pardon the three days without posts.

Now that Sam is back on Glee, my priorities are dramatically skewed.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Mondays Are For Dancing

Dance Shamelessly (Manolo Blahnik)

Saved By The Briefs

This holiday season, Mario Lopez released an underwear line.

A gift sure to make men, without abs or dimples, feel further inadequate.

Hero of the Week = Alec

Between his airline debacle and those Capital One commercials, he's drummed up enough press to land a reality show.

Once more, I blame the alimony payments.

Hanalei Handbag

Over the weekend, someone stole Lindsay Lohan's handbag, which contained ten grand in cash.

Police are still investigating how the former actress had money to place in the handbag.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Fridays Are For Punks

Newsweek: Harlequin Edition

The latest Newsweek tackles the issue of sex addiction in America.

Supplant Heather Locklear for unattractive middle aged men, and the article reads like an episode of Melrose Place.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

In the Land of Blood and Nutritious Oil

Though his land is riddled with poverty and pollution, there is something about Morocco that makes me believe his people maintain healthy hair at all times.


Gmail's face lift has proved to be the most disconcerting thing to happen to our planet since the 2008 financial crisis.

The send button now resides on top of the email being drafted. Not cool.

Sweet Tweet

Every time a sexual deviant requests to follow me on Twitter, I can't help but feel flattered.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Divorce Should Be Capitalized

Alec Baldwin's Capital One commercials make me happy not to have alimony payments.

Not sure what Jimmy Fallon's excuse is.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Problematic Perry

Anytime I see Perry on Huff Post, I presume the article will address the future of our country in regards to pop sensation, Katy Perry.

Then he pops up and my teenage dream quickly turns nightmarish.

A Madgical Night

They finally found a way to get The Gays to watch The Superbowl.

All a part of Miller Coors' plan to revitalize Zima.

Hero Of The Week = Miss Piggy's Assistant

Emily Blunt reprised her Devilish assistant in The Muppets. If I was Kermit, I'd kick Piggy aside for that posh British accent.

Mondays Are For Dancing

Dance Shamelessly (La Playa)

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Rogaine Riches

These brothers should be spokesmen for a hair club, or at least have their own line of putty.

Grammy Showdown

I'm sick of the media pinning divas against each other.

Meet Up Mismatch

I don't know what buttons I checked when I joined

But I'm so not a bridge player.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

J.Ro Live

This past Thursday I performed for a crowd of twenty; my fan base is growing.

Friday, December 2, 2011


During our latest phone call, my dad told me I should be on Logo. The fact he pictures me on Logo I find supportive, the fact he knows what Logo is, I find disturbing.

Dad-A-Doos in his I'm 60 crisis car (May 2011)

Fridays Are For Punks

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Coming Out Of The Dark

For J.Ro, Christmas has arrived early.

I pray she will play Santana's mother.

Most Influential Teacher

GQ listed Gwynny as one of the year's least influential celebrities.

Did these editors not catch Holly Holiday on Glee last spring? GQ, hire me to catch these hiccups before they hit the press.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Soccer Punched

First straight people claimed soccer turned girls into lesbians. Now straight people claim soccer balls cause brain damage.

Don't slander soccer, straight people. Hell hath no fury like a gay man denied access to guys in Umbro shorts.

No Second Helpings

This Thanksgiving, I was struggling to find something to rejoice over.

But then I discovered this working class, against all odds, story and felt weighed down with gratitude.

Indian Thanksgiving

My Thanksgiving grin may stretch into December.

Sexiest Man Alive Bradley Cooper was spotted on a Vespa; I may have a shot after all.

Fern Mayo

More proof we must teach our children to be nicer to their less attractive classmates.

Even Craigslist Is Classier

If you're selling a Mercedes convertible, this isn't the way to attract upwardly mobile clientele.

Haters Gonna Hate

Starring Molly Harper & Kinner Shah.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Any Given Monday

Today, online consumers were incentivized to click on deals they can't afford.

How again is this different from the other fifty one Mondays?

Mondays Are For Dancing

Dance Shamelessly (With Passport)

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Copycat Cancellation

Even though MJ is dead and gone, George is still trying to emulate him.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Black Friday Crimes

Four hundred thousand dollars worth of Louis Vuitton bags were stolen at Charles De Gaulle.

Luckily this time, none of the bags contained Lil Kim's jewelry.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Harry Situations

This week Harry made his Hollywood debut at Universal Studios, where he rode Jurassic Park, King Kong, and Revenge of the Mummy.

And we thought the time he dressed as a Nazi was tacky.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

The Pottery Wheel Will Spin Again

Calm down, People.

Demi didn't die. She just opted to end her marriage, like most sensible Americans.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Lars And The Real Boy

After working with Elmo on my short, Tickled To Death, I planned to give him to a needy child.

But when I come home he smiles, when I touch him he tickles, when I cry during Glee, he comforts me. That needy child can settle for Ernie.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Hero of the Week = Celine's Burglar

I don't usually praise petty crime.

But if you break into Celine's Montreal mansion, build a pastrami, and draw up a bubble bath, I'll make an exception.

A Picture Isn't Worth 140 Characters

Twitter must be stopped.

The Golden Boy

To the company that placed this on my car door, I don't need a fake tan.

I drive a gold Chrysler convertible; I'm white trash enough without your services.